somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
