he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
