i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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