Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize