Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
