can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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