Will you blow on my dice?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
