Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
