in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
