Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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