I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
