How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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