I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
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Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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