Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
420 ftw
I need to stop coming to work sober
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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