the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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