My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
ttyl tear gas
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
