forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
