I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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