I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
