When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
