Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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