im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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