We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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