so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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