Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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