I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
