NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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