and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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