I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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