Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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