no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
