I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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