I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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