I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize