He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
