The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
