oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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