Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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