Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
