He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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