You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
