Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need water and some morals
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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