the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
