i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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