I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
