he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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