I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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