I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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