he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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