The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
50% drunk capacity currently
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
