false alarm. still invincible.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
