I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
