Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
