apparently the secret to your success is patron
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
