Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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