I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
