just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
don't judge my taste in strippers
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
