Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
