I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
