his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
