You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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