Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
