My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
