Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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