Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
