you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
