i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
