man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
