she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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