at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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